snow.

I can remember a time when Snow Days were fun. When instead of school and sitting through classes, I was able to sip hot coco and watch tv; waiting for my mom to tell us it was okay to go sledding down a nearby hill. But somewhere along the way, I’ve changed my reaction to snow. Now, I really just don’t like it. Sure, snow is really gorgeous and makes washington look like a scene out of Narnia, but it really sucks if you actually have to get to places. When you’re taking difficult classes, and that one or two hours a week that you normally get are taken away, getting through the homework is a lot harder. Especially because I’m a visual learner, I need people to solve problems on a whiteboard for me to comprehend it.

As I have grown up, the joy of snow has melted away. It has turned into a drag instead of an exciting surprise. As I watch the snow fall, I pray quietly to myself, asking it to stop. I completely feel like the Grinch or Scrooge or any other joykill, but in my mind, I make sense. As the snow day drags on to a snow week, people’s Facebook status’ slowly turn from “yay, snow!” to “ugh, when will it go away?!” I just fast forward to those ending status’. I immediately want the snow to be gone so I can just do what I had planned for that day.

Maybe you’re someone who absolutely loves the snow. In a way, I envy you. I wish I could just push aside my plans with glee, go out and enjoy it. But I feel like the snow-loving child that was once dwelling inside of me has moved into some other youthful soul. While a responsible young adult has moved into mine. So today, as I sit at home, I might be drinking hot coco - but instead of watching tv, I’ll be working on an essay.

me without you.

For Christmas this year, my Aunt gave my mom an iPod shuffle with around 80 songs already loaded onto it. I was just skipping through the songs, trying to find one that wasn’t a mariachi song. Then I came across this song. I instantly liked it. The lyrics are so pure and true. It was a really great song to put on repeat. As I sat and did math, the lyrics soaked into me. I felt like sharing it with you all. Hope you enjoy.

Imagine Me Without You  – Jaci Velasquez

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You’re the only love I’ll need

In my life you’re all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You’re the one that’s there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you

(Chorus)
Imagine me without you
I’d be lost and so confused
I wouldn’t last a day, I’d be afraid
Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it’s just impossible
Because of you, it’s all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can’t imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling
You’re love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard me calling
And you rush to set me free

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you

Chorus

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you oh

Chorus

I can’t imagine me without you

birthday party.

I wanted to make this post nice and short as family awaits me downstairs. The aromas are wafting up the stairs, so I should probably get going and find myself a seat at the dinner table. I hope your day is filled with much love and laughter. Maybe a few presents thrown in too. But most importantly, I hope we all take a moment to remember why we really celebrate today. Today is the birthday of our Savior!

Happy birthday Jesus!

I hope you all have a wonderful, very merry Christmas.

adequate.

Some days I feel like complete scum. I feel like I don’t measure up to the many bars that I sense are placed around me. I feel like I could always be better. I’m always failing at something in life. If it isn’t my grades, it’s practing piano. If it isn’t practicing piano, it’s being short-tempered. If it isn’t being short-tempered, it is not picking up my room. It’s just an overwhelming circle of demands that swallow me whole.

I think I am a fairly confident person. I think I have a good sense of who I am. But sometimes I just feel myself falling. Slipping off the path I thought I was superglued to. It can be so easy to focus on all our failures and short comings, that it becomes hard to realize all that shines within us. I get caught up in all the things that I’m not. All the things that I don’t know. All the things I’ve failed at. Everything I wish I was. No matter who you are, you’re going to think the grass is greener on the other side. You’ll think: if only I was that… Then, I’d be truly happy. We all believe that whisper inside of us. Telling us that just one more thing is all we need. We get swept into the desire to be perfect. It can be startling when we look at all that we aren’t.

However, I think God will chisel away at us. Mold us and move us to be who He wants us to be. He will never give us more than we can handle. He’ll help us through our short comings.

And with that knowledge, I take a step back and breathe. Realizing that I’m not superhuman. I’m not perfect. But what I am is a child of God. I am loved. I am unique. Although I may not be all that I wish I was, I am all that God wanted me to be.

identity.

I wonder what the world would be like if everyone was just themselves. If peer pressure was irrelevant. If everyone was accepting of each other. If there were no jocks, nerds or bullies. But everyone was just… themselves. Not feeling the need to build up and keep a certain reputation. Not being pressured to do things they really don’t want. Not caring if their social circle was cool. A world where teenagers didn’t keep lies from their parents. Where people dated each other for the right reasons. Where people wore what they really wanted. A world where teens would feel comfortable exploring and discovering who they are. I wonder what it would be like if all girls had enough respect for themselves that they wouldn’t allow guys to walk all over them. And what it would be like if guys respected girls enough to not walk on them. An atmosphere where you could become whatever you wanted to be without needing the approval of your friends or family. Where people didn’t put a box on who they are and who they can be.

This world fascinates me.

I think being a teenager is one of the most critical time periods in any persons life. It’s where you decide what you want to do when you’re older. It’s when you figure out what you’re good at and what you’re bad at. It’s when you grow into who you are and who you will be. I think it’s so sad when teenagers don’t stretch themselves and learn during these times. When they let other people influence such an important time in their life. It might sound rude but I think this is a time to be borderline selfish. To focus on you and what you want to do for the rest of your life. In no way does that mean you have to shove others out of the picture or become completely egocentric, but you need to find a balance. To find what you would be happiest doing. What your passions are. You need to find what you want in life. Not what your parents, grandma, social circle or boyfriend want.

Imagine who you would be in this world. What would your identity be?

different.

I have lived in Washington my entire life. Its norms have become my norms. So, as you can imagine, it’s always strange to travel to places and see their norms.

I think each city has its own feel. Its own style. Its own rhythm. And when you enter another city, it takes you a little while to understand their beat. And once you start to see their pattern, you start to realize how different yours is. It’s interesting how different parts of the world are.  How that shirt that you would die for back at home, is now here looked at with disgust.

I think your environment has a great deal of impact on who you are. As much as you might not think so, just travel to other states. Picture yourself growing up in that state. It truly can be drastic.
In my psychology class this past quarter, one of the big discussions we had was whether nature (who you naturally are) or nurture (how the people around you treat you / your environment) has the bigger impact on a person. And really, no one knows. But it’s a good thing to think about; let your gears turn as you try to decide for yourself.

So, as I am here in a different place, sticking out like a sore thumb, I am grateful for who I am. I’m thankful that I consider myself a Seattle-ite and for the place I call home.

winter retreat.

s I type this, I smile with anticipation of all that this weekend will be. I’m so excited to just get away from crap that’s been happening at home. Just random stupid things that are so pointless and immature. I like being down in the snow lodge with other christians; worshiping, learning and laughing together. It’ll be a much needed three days. My prayer for this weekend is that I would grow deeper in love with my Creator as I watch those around me fall more in love with Him. And even though I’ve only been with this youth group for about two years, I feel comfortable and secure being around them. I’m excited for all that God will do with this  group of people. Not only for this weekend, but for the rest of our lives. He’s creating memories and a foundation that will last us a life time. It will remind us to be a light among darkness. And to go and change the world for Him.

I’m excited to drink hot coco and nibble on freshly baked brownies as we play card games. Or rock out on guitar hero. Completely fail at playing pool. Go run around in the snow. Wake up to smells of breakfast and chatter from the boys, who have walked across a snowy field to eat some food. To sing worship songs three times a day. And to form closer bonds with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Ahhhh. It’s going to be fantastic!

In a kind of side note, I just wanted to say how awesome God has been the last couple of months. He’s constantly reminding me that he has it under control. And through all my indecisiveness and confusion, he has a plan for me. He had done things that I don’t understand in the moment, but looking back now, I am so incredibly grateful that He did those things to me. It shows me that he knows what’s best for me, even when I don’t. So, just a word of encouragement – although God might be changing things in your life, I can assure you that in the end it will be for the good of everyone. And that’s a promise from our Heavenly Father.